WP 3: A Multimodal Persuasion Peer-Review Student Writer: Austin Hadley Peer-Reviewer: Ryan

WP 3: A Multimodal Persuasion Peer-Review
Student Writer: Austin Hadley Peer-Reviewer: Ryan Smith (Hi again Austin)
Please write out the thesis in your own words. Does it focus on persuading ASU students? If it does, how do you know? If not, offer some suggestions on how to revise it so it does.
The thesis seems to be: Increasing access to counselling and other mental health services will better health stress in college.
Sources
What does the source add to the argument?
Jeff Cain
Adds some statistics that somewhat stick out, especially in the intro.
Eleftheriades et al.
This source leads to confusion for me. It doesn’t feel incorporated right, especially in the intro. I had to re-read the second sentence of the intro a few times before understanding what it was trying to say. Also, you don’t need to site them twice two sentences in a row. Same goes for the previous source.
Valerie Canady and Valerie
Gives examples of solutions to mental health issues among students. This seems to be the go-to source of the essay.
You also misspelled Canady’s name in the paragraph before the counselling image, to the end of the essay. You spelled her name as “Candy.” Later, I noticed you misspelled Valerie, but that doesn’t matter as her name is Valerie Canady. They aren’t two people, so you just refer to her as Canady.
I also realized that you said Jeff and Cain, but Cain is Jeff’s last name. I think I see why this happened though and I don’t blame you.
Use the table below to name the three sources used and how they each add to the argument.
Name two of the genres incorporated into the essay. Explain how each of these two genres help to strengthen the argument for an ASU student audience. Make any suggestions on how the points can be strengthened.
Two genres I saw (besides essay) were a personal anecdote, and I don’t see another one present. I’m not too sure which type of genre might work, but maybe there’s a song you can take lyrics from. The one off the top of my head that might work is 1-800-273-8255 by Logic. I’m sure you can figure something out though, or I may be completely wrong and there is another genre present.
Use the table below to name four modes incorporated into the essay and the point of argument that each mode is conveying. Explain how each mode (e.g. photo, video, graph) helps to boost the argument. If the purpose of a certain mode isn’t clear, point that out for your peer and make suggestions.
Mode
Specific point being made by the mode and if that point is clear:
Visual – Graph
It shows the percentage of students that have had a specific mental challenge the month the survey was conducted. It’s actually pretty shocking.
Visual – Pictograph
It gives some shock statistics of things college students have to go through. It is pretty darn clear too.
Visual – Picture
A group of college students visiting counselling. Out of context, it does absolutely nothing. But in-context, it works.
Linguistics – Font
Changed font is all over the report, and it’s typically used to emphasize, or make something in the essay stick out. Here, it’s usually to make quotes stand out, which works.
As a member of the intended audience of ASU students, describe your experience moving from beginning to end of this essay. Are the elements placed in an order that feels logical? If so, explain why? If not, make recommendations.
Is there any part that is confusing because you, the reader, need more information or guidance? If so, point that out for your peer.
It seems to be ordered nicely. As pointed out earlier, the way one of the sources is used in the intro makes it hard to read. The use of “in conclusion” at the end doesn’t need to be used and can literally be deleted without changing the conclusion as well.
I do feel that you let the sources talk a little bit too much, and that your opinion could’ve been more present, but I think you should ask Prof. McKell as I may be wrong.
End by noting a strong point or element of the essay and explain why it is strong.
I think the main thing that works is the use of pictures. They tie to the essay very well.